


To Undergo A Change

by AccioRavenclaw (Elvishdork)



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Gen, The Companions - Freeform, Werewolf, vampire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 02:09:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20958707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elvishdork/pseuds/AccioRavenclaw
Summary: There's only one way to get into the Soul Cairn, and Serana has a method for going forward.





	To Undergo A Change

**Author's Note:**

> Ever since I got the line of dialogue where Harkon says his vampire will burn out the player's werewolf, I wondered what that must've felt like.

Serana’s fangs are in her throat. She can’t move, can’t utter a sound, she can’t even breathe. She can taste iron –_ her own blood _– in her throat and on her heavy tongue as Serana drinks.

Then her vision begins to fail, her pounding heartbeat in her ears slowing as well. Too many things inside of her scream and howl for her to do something – _anything _– to make it stop. But she can’t. She wouldn’t even if she could, because worst of all she had agreed to this. After everything she's done and stood for, this is what she has to do. So she tries to bury the distress in her _dovah_ – the loudest part of her that refuses to just lie down and take this - as her world starts to fade.

Then, for all but a moment – a lifetime, an eternity – there is nothing. Gone from the world and falling over the edge into death. If this is death, then it’s not so bad; she thinks.  
In this moment of pitch, black, loneliness, she knows there is nothing to fear. 

Until she sees the wolf. _Her_ wolf: proud, snarling, strong. Her blessing and curse.

Then its form shimmers and then fades. Burning out of her as a new form begins to take root. The spirit leaving her empty and hollow at her core; and so very lonely in her moment of death.

Somewhere in the haze of her mind she is able to pull the thoughts together. Is this what Kodlak felt in Sovngarde: An emptiness he called peace? She thought of Vilkas and Farkas, remembered throwing the heads on the pyre and granting them the same freedom they asked for. Still among the living and neither complained about the loss of their wolves. 

But the hollow feeling does not last long enough for her to truly lament her loss as a white-hot burning spreads from her chest to her limbs. Unbearably hot until it isn’t: leaving just a cold unlife. 

When she wakes, the first thing she realizes besides the sudden dryness deep in her throat is the burn in her vision. She blinks hard a few times, trying to adjust her eyes to the sudden harsh brightness of the candles in the room. Minutes ago they had felt so dull: the darkness oppressive even with them lit. Now the shadows in every corner of the room reveal themselves in her new sight. She looks at her hands, curiosity turning to fixation. 

She holds her own hand, looking at her own veins spread out over her palm. She squints, unable to believe she can see the absence of her pulse. There should be movement, an uneasy part of her thinks. She can feel the cold that has permanently set into her skin.

It feels…_wrong_. She feels out of place: like she does not belong in her own skin. It feels worse than her first run as a wolf: A transformation she can never revert from. 

“Are you feeling okay?” Serana asks after a moment.

“I guess I am for now. Let’s just get to the Soul Cairn.” She replies. She looks down into the portal, her eyes adjusting to the bright glow of magic.

She takes a deep breath, it feels out of place in her lungs. Up till this moment she didn’t realize that she had stopped breathing. It was so natural she paid no mind to it. Now, however, she tries to regulate a pattern. It’s a failing pattern, and after a few awkward attempts she stops altogether. She catches Serana’s worried look, and offers a halfhearted smile before she finally descends down the stairs into the portal.

She can deal with curing herself afterwards.

But who was she before the beast? Before the sharpness of the world, the strength in her blood, and the instincts to guard her.

A thief. A traveler to the land of her ancestors. The blood and voice of a Dragon.

She might live without the wolf given time. Find herself whole as the only soul within her flesh again. But unlife – the thrice-damned blood of a vampire – she could not live with.


End file.
